HERE'S THE INFORMATION THE ACTORS RECIEVED THIS MONTH TO PREPARE FOR THEIR AUDITION FOR THE LIVE STAGE PRODUCTION OF "I LOVE LUCY".
Lucy: SALLY SWEET
Ricky: CUBAN PETE and BABALU
Please be prepared to play the CONGA DRUM
Ethel: CAROLINA IN THE MORNING
Fred: CAROLINA IN THE MORNING
FOR LUCY & RICKY (WED & THUR)
Signing the Will Episode: The Audition
RICKY IS IN THE LIVING ROOM AS LUCY ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM
WEARING A ROBE, A MINK STOLE AND A LAMPSHADE ON HER HEAD.
SHE IS HUMMING AND PERFORMING HER BEST SHOWGIRL STRUT TO
LUCY Oh, Ricky.
LUCY BEGRUDINGLY REMOVES THE LAMPSHADE.
Don’t you want to know who was at the door?
LUCY Who was it, your agent? Does he know when the TV audition is?
What did he say? What did he say?
RICKY No, it wasn’t my agent, it was the mailman. He brought some papers
for us to sign and we’ve got to take them down to the attorney’s. It’s my Will.
LUCY Oh, well I’ll get your breakfast.
REALIZING WHAT RICKY JUST SAID, LUCY STOPS
DEAD IN HER TRACKS.
LUCY Your Will!
LUCY What’s a matter, Ricky?
RICKY Nothing is the matter.
LUCY There is too. You’re keeping something from me. (GASPS) You're sick!
RICKY I’ve never felt better in my whole life.
LUCY Then you lied to me when we were married. You’re really older than
RICKY Now look, Honey, it’s just good business. The lawyer says I should have a will. Theneverything is legally taken care of if anything happens.
LUCY I won’t discuss it.
RICKY Now look, Honey, you have to know how things are arranged so you
know what to do when I, uh… when I go.
LUCY Oh, alright Ricky.
RICKY That’s better.
LUCY BEGINS TO CRY.
RICKY Now what’s the matter?
LUCY Oh, Ricky, I miss you so.
RICKY For goodness sakes, Lucy, I haven’t gone yet.
LUCY Don’t go, Ricky, don’t go.
RICKY Now look, Honey, I’m perfectly well. I feel fine. Well let’s face it. We all have to go sometime.
LUCY We do?
RICKY We do unless you know something the rest of us dunt.
LUCY No, I dunt. I’ll get your breakfast.
RICKY Alright, Honey. (BEAT) He brought your will along too.
LUCY My Will!
LUCY What for? You’re the one that’s going.
RICKY Now Lucy…
LUCY What are you trying to do, shove me ahead of you in line?
RICKY Now look, Honey, this isn’t my idea. It’s the lawyer’s. We’ve
got to get them signed and you’ve got to take them down to the attorney’s today.
LUCY Impossible. I have an appointment to have my haired dyed… (CATCHING
RICKY They’ve got to go today, now come on.
LUCY Oh, Ricky, the attorney’s way down town. It will take me all day.
RICKY Yea, I know.
LUCY Oh can’t they wait?
RICKY Absolutely not.
LUCY Well, why not?
RICKY Well, suppose you didn’t take them down till tomorrow…
RICKY …and we both got killed today.
RICKY How could you take them down tomorrow?
LUCY Oh yea, that’s right.
END OF SCENE.
FOR LUCY & ETHEL (WED & THUR)
The Plan Episode: Lucy is Jealous of Girl Dancer
LUCY IS STANDING AT THE DINNER TABLE AS ETHEL ENTERS.
LUCY I suppose you heard everything.
ETHEL No, Honey, not a thing.
LUCY Well I just quarreled with Ricky.
ETHEL I don’t blame you. Who does he think he is going around tearing
girl’s black lace blue jeans.
LUCY Didn’t hear a thing, huh?
ETHEL Well I might have caught a word here and there.
ETHEL What’s your next move, Honey?
LUCY I’m going down to that club tonight.
ETHEL He’s pretty clever asking you to come down to the club.
ETHEL You’re not dumb enough to fall for that, are you?
LUCY I should say not! (BEAT) Fall for what?
ETHEL You go down there tonight – he knows you’re coming – he’s on his
good behavior. You’re satisfied. You come home and he starts paying
cat and mouse again.
LUCY Why, that big stinker. Well gee, what do I do?
ETHEL You’re going to call him up and tell him you’re not coming down.
LUCY Yea! (BEAT) Why?
ETHEL Because you’re going to sneak in there without his knowing it and
watch the floorshow and see what’s really going on.
LUCY Gee, that’s a wonderful idea. I’ll call right now.
LUCY HEADS FOR PHONE.
LUCY Oh, wait a minute. I can’t sneak into the club. Everyone knows me
down there. That won’t work.
ETHEL Well, we’ll think of something.
LUCY Well, what?
ETHEL I don’t know but you call him up and tell him you’re not coming down.
ETHEL Just leave it to me.
LUCY DIALS PHONE WHILE ETHEL STARTS ON ANOTHER PLATE OF FOOD.
LUCY (ON PHONE) Hello. This is Mrs. Lucy Ricardo. Would you please tell Mr. Ricardo
that I won’t be able to come down to the club tonight? That’s right. Thank you.
ETHEL I’ve got it!
ETHEL Where’s the best place to see what he’s doing on the stage?
ETHEL Right on the stage!
END OF SCENE.
FOR FRED & RICKY (WED & THUR)
Franistan Episode: The Publicity Agent
THE CLUB IS EMPTY. RICKY IS SITTING AT A TABLE AS FRED
ENTERS CARRYING A NEWSPAPER.
FRED Hi Rick.
RICKY Hi ya Fred.
FRED Did ya see the paper?
RICKY Yea, I saw the paper.
FRED Congratulations ol’ boy. Look at the size of this type. (READING)
“Franistan royalty makes pilgrimage to see Cuban idol.”
RICKY I know, I know.
FRED “Maharaja’s daughter claims Ricky Ricardo is real gone.”
RICKY I read it, Fred, I read it.
FRED Yea, yea, well I kind of think you would be a little more excited.
Not every band leader can make a Maharincess flip her beanie.
RICKY You don’t mean to tell me that you really believe that story, do you?
FRED Well it’s in all the papers.
RICKY Are you out of your head of something? A member of royalty in
some ridiculous place called Krafastan, or whatever the name of the joint is – she gets a hold of one of my records, so she travels halfway around the world just to hear me sing. Well that’s the phoniest story I’ve ever heard in my life.
FRED Where did it come from?
RICKY My press agent, where else? I told that character I wanted some
publicity but this is ridiculous. I’d be laughed right out of the business.
FRED Well, now that I think it over it does sound pretty silly.
RICKY Of course it’s silly. Only an idiot would believe a story like that.
THE PHONE ON THE TABLE RINGS. FRED HANDS THE PHONE TO RICKY.
RICKY Hello? (BEAT) Kenny. Now look. What is the matter with you,
Kenny, are you trying to get me kicked out of show business? (BEAT) You know what I’m talking about, the story in the paper – the story. (BEAT) Look, that is
the most ridiculous, the most stupid, the silliest, the phoniest… (BEAT) What? (BEAT)
How ‘bout that. (BEAT) Okay. Talk to you later, kid.
RICKY HANGS UP.
RICKY I guess it’s true.
FRED Somebody around here just said only an idiot would fall for a story like that.
RICKY Now wait a minute, Fred. Now let’s look at it this way. Here’s this poor girl sitting in her castle in far away Franistan – she gets a hold of one of my records,
she finds my voice irresistible – and she falls madly in love. There’s nothing far fetched about that.
FRED Maybe I ought to go out and come in again.
RICKY Gee, I wonder what you do when you’re introduced to royalty. How ‘bout this, Fred.
RICKY STANDS UP AND BENDS TO A GRACEFUL BOW.
RICKY Your Highness. I am delighted to meet you.
FRED (WITH FEMALE AFFECTATION) Oh, Mr. Ricardo. You send me.
END OF SCENE.
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